The start of a long journey.....

Over the years since meeting Darren my weight has been a battle. A silent battle that I've always been embarrassed about and therefore kept quiet as though no one else would notice.

When we met I was a tiny size 8. I didn't realise at the time being so young how lucky I was to have a figure like I did. I was perfectly proportioned for my height and never did I struggle to find clothes. I was able to walk into any shop, pick up a size 8 and it always looked as though it were made for me. I quickly became content in my relationship with Darren and therefore the lbs slowly but surely started to pile on. It never seemed to bother Darren therefore it didn't bother me. To start with anyway.

When I got married my wedding dress was a size 14. Everyone always seemed shocked when I'd say I was a 14 saying I looked smaller, therefore I carried on denying I was getting bigger.

A year of marriage passed and we then found out we were expecting our first child. Well, this meant my weight didn't matter for the next year as being a women and being pregnant surely eating was one comfort I was allowed. My denial carried on as I made excuses in my mind.

Ethan was born and I managed to fit back into my Pre-pregnancy clothes fairly soon after. My maternity clothes weren't put away for long though as I found out I was expecting again when Ethan was 7months old. My bad eating habits continued even longer.

After having Georgina the weight has piled on and on. I enjoy food and have genuinely struggled to not eat the foods I enjoy. You only live once after all. I was then pregnant with reggie and was put on tablets that I was told could cause weight gain. That then stuck in my head as another excuse.

Well here I am, 9 years after meeting Darren and several stone heavier. I can no longer ignore my size and make excuses. I am fat and there is no other word to use. I look in the mirror and could cry as I remember the me who was once thin and see someone totally different. I'm so angry for allowing myself to become this size. Well not anymore!!!

My aim is to be a size 10/12 within the next year. This is going to be hard work and I really need to exercise as well as eat properly. The reason my target is one year is because in march 2013 Darren and I will have been together 10years and I'd like to be able to look back with fond memories of being slim 10years ago rather than being upset that I'm not that size.

So here my journey starts and I'm going to try and blog my progress. I want to blog the hard times where I want to stop and share my pride as I lose. Now with a swimming memebership sorted and a cross trainer in my living room I'm all set and ready to go.......