I want to be normal!!!

The last blog I wrote was about being in Stuart lodge in Sherborne which is a psychiatric unit. Since being here I've had a huge rollercoaster of emotions!

When I first arrived I had a very very low mood. I'd seen my psychiatrist before being admitted and it was her and my community psychiatric nurse who felt it was best I came here. On my arrival I saw the ward psychiatrist who agreed that I should stay until I was more stable.

It took a few days to adjust to the quiet surroundings, completely different to how things are at home. I felt relaxed and enjoyed the time out to try and rest. I thought I'd be bored and home within 48 hours which much to my surprise hasnt been the case.

I've been here for over a week now. On Wednesdays they have a ward round where you have a meeting about how things are going etc. I was seen last week and Darren came with me. It was a very emotional meeting with alot of tears. There were two psychiatrists and a member of the home treatment team there. We all agreed that I hadn't improved since being here so it was decided that I'd stay in longer while trying some new medication in hope that it would help.

Here I am on Saturday after being on new medication since Wednesday. I feel better then when I first arrived on the ward but If I'm honest I still feel like I have a huge uphill battle before getting back to 'normal'.

I have spent the day today at home with Darren and the children which has been really pleasant but I felt the need to come back to the ward after 6 hours of being home. This morning I felt full of life and contemplated the possibility of coming home. Now I'm realising that I'm not yet ready for the giant leap back into normality but I plan on doing more home visits in the next few days to ease myself back into luife slowly.

I now know I will get better but I have realised that I have got to be patient, which is a first for me!! I've been truly overwhelmed with all the help and support I've received from so many people!! Thank you to those people, it's been so much easier knowing people do actually care!!